


Suicide is Painless

by Mjk777



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, MASH (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, My First Fanfic, Past Abuse, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Harry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23667013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mjk777/pseuds/Mjk777
Summary: Harry Potter songfic with Suicide is Painless by Johnny Mandel
Kudos: 15





	Suicide is Painless

Johnny Mendel owns the song, JK Rowling owns the character.

**TIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS**

_Through each morning fog I see visions of the things to be  
The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see  
That suicide is painless, it brings on many changes  
And can take or leave it if I please_

The smell of blood cuts through the haze that had set on the battlefield. As I look into the fog that has settled on the battlefield I realize what I must do, to save Ron and Hermione, to save Luna and Neville, to save what is left of my first home… and to save myself.

_The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna lose it anyway  
The losing card I'll someday lay so this is all I have to say  
Suicide is painless (suicide) it brings on many changes (changes)  
And I can take or leave it if I please (please)_

I have been fighting for so long, running for so long… holding on for so long. I have had luck save me time and time again, random burning professors to lucky crying birds to rare wand lore phenomena… all for it to come down to this. WHY ME! WHY MUST I SURVIVE WHEN THESE INNOCENT ARE DEAD AROUND ME! IT ISN’T FAIR… it isn’t fair.

I feel the familiar bone-crushing, soul-sucking despair I know all to well envelope me. All of these people, dead… dead because of me, because they believe that I have some magic way to deal the losing card to Voldemort. And I might, I just have to deal myself out.

_The sword of time will pierce your  
Skin, it doesn't hurt when it begins  
But as it works its way on in the pain grows stronger  
Watch it grin  
Suicide is painless it brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please_

‘Cedric, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred, countless others… All dead because of me.’ I caress the scars on my wrist, not given by my uncle, nor by Voldemort, but by me, the only thing I can control it seems. Not governed by destiny or fate, like my life, but by me.

I feel the pain in my joints, in my bones, in my heart. I have spent too long on the run. From Dudley, From trolls, From Snakes, From destiny, From the inevitable.

_A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key  
Is it to be or not to be, and I replied oh why ask me_

Is there a right way to enter the ‘next great adventure’ as Dumbledore put it? Probably, but I don’t want adventure, I just want to rest, to allow myself finally let go. Why must it be me who must fight, who has this destiny? I am going to change the fight, make it so that the death and suffering can end. 

“Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, come to die”

  
 _Suicide is painless it brings on many changes_  
And I can take or leave it if I please  
And you can do the same thing if you please.

“AVADA KEDAVRA”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a songfic, I have had this idea bouncing around my head for a couple of fo days now. I hope that you enjoyed it. I have been in a weird headspace lately and will probably be posting fics of a similar theme in the coming days. I also have a more fluffy fic that I will upload later today.


End file.
